Barbie: Listen, ok! I know I’m seen with Ken, but I don’t really like him. Ken is not the best looking. To be honest, he’s kind of basic. All he does is surf. Not cool! There is this guy I met, Allan. He’s so handsome! I love him, he’s, like, hot! But Ken is taking this as a big deal. He has moved his room from facing mine to Chelsea’s. Now he lives in his Mojo Dojo room. Like, what? Anyway, me and Allan go to the movies. Like, slay! Chelsea HATES Allan. For no reason at all! She’s been acting really weird. Crazy! But for some reason everyone is hating ME! I’m BARBIE. The best by the way. So I know there’s a lot of drama, but it’s not my fault! I know Ken and Chelsea hate me, but not Skipper. She’s on my side…I think. It’s hard to tell these days. So again, I’m not a bad doll, I’m just moving away from the role model doll I was made to be.

Ken: I don’t know why Barbie is hating me so much all of a sudden! I mean, I did burn her waffles ONCE, but it was an accident!!! Even her sisters thought I was awesome! I was like an Uncle to them. I cannot believe she would leave me, KEN, for Allan. I don’t get what she sees in him. He’s not even that nice. He treats Barbie’s little sisters like babies. I KNOW that Chelsea hates him. He also looks weird. Like he stuck his finger in a socket. I don’t know what to do. Anywhere else, people would say I’m a 10 out of 10! But not in Barbie Land. Maybe I should start going out with Raquelle just to get back at Barbie. I know Barbie does NOT like her. I think we have to get sorted out soon. We are going to the White House to ask President Barbie who gets possession of the pets and the Dream House. Have you seen how many jobs this lady has?! I do appreciate people who can manage all those tasks… But Enough! Barbie, if you are reading this, we are OVER! I’m sorry for yelling. Please come back! Without you, I’m just KEN!

Chelsea: Allan is a meanie. He doesn’t let me play with him. He doesn’t treet my puppy Honey like a queen and feeds her kible insted of steak. And Allan says we can’t go to the movies and see Moana 2, but goes with Barbie to “inaproprate” movies every Friday! I asked him if I could go too, but he said no! And guess what—Barbie didn’t say I could go! She just laffed. I told Mommy and she said, “Please. Let Barbie do Barbie and you do you.” What does that mean? I asked Skipper and she said, “Whatever. Scat.” I didn’t like that. Stacey told me to get off the soccer field and ask Barbie. I usully do, but meanie-pants Allan took away my Barbie. Humph. Me and Barbie aren’t on speaking terms. I heard Stacey say that to me once. Now I’m saying it to Barbie. (Does anyone know what it means? I gess not taking, but am still confuzed)

Barbie: Allan is acting strange. He hasn’t been that kind recently. Also he was so rude the other day. So we were at Starbies, and I asked him to order my pink drink and a pup cup for Chelsea’s dog. He was so rude! He said to the worker, “Hey, give me a pink drink and a pup cup! And make it fast! I don’t want to wait 10 minutes for your stupid drinks!”

And I was totally like, hey you can’t say that! So I said, “Allan chill! It’s fine! I know you’re working as hard as you can!”

He was mad at me for being nice! Like what?! And guess what we waited for 5 minutes and ONLY my pup cup was made! Let me put it this way, Allan was mad! And when they asked for a tip, fuming! We got banned from Starbies. I’m so mad at him. I might try to visit Ken’s Mojo Dojo  room.

Ken: Allan was actually a pretty nice guy before now. He always seemed to be jealous of me because I had Barbie. He would say things like, “Oh yeah, I can go because I don’t have a pretty lady waiting for me.” What is THAT supposed to mean? And now, because he has Barbie, he treats me like I’m the sidekick. He’s forgetting that Allan is Ken’s BUDDY. Ken is NOT Allan’s buddy. Like, what? Allan is also always so blunt. One time I got a super fly haircut and all the guys thought I looked great. But Allan was like, “Dude, that haircut makes your forehead a sixhead. It’s huge!” And then everybody laughed at me. That hurt my feelings. A lot.

Chelsea: Lisen to this. I let Allan into my room yesterday, and he was a meanie! I was showing him my books and he said, “What? You read baby books. Look! That’s Old McDonald Had a Farm. For babies! You should be reading something like this.” It was a book I got when I was three about a little kitty dancing at a “pawty.” I don’t like Allan! He was really mean about that book I got when I was a baby. Ken said that it was a fun book with animal sounds, and he imitated the pig snort on all fours! It was so silly. I love Ken! He’s so fun. Allan is NOT! He kicked Honey the other day. Ken cudles her and bows silly to her. As he should! I miss Ken…

Barbie: I loved him, it’s true. I wanted to be with him, I learned how to surf. He taught me, and he loved me. He treated my sisters awesomely. I miss seeing Ken and Chelsea smiling and playing together. When we went to Starbies he would always pay for my drink. It was a fun time! Unlike now. I don’t like Allan as much anymore. He’s Ken’s buddy for a reason. He doesn’t need to replace Ken. Ken is the best.

Ken: If Allan is listening to this (I pray he hasn’t) DO NOT listen to a word he says. That doll is a liar L-I-A-R! I am not happy with the way things are turning out. Why can’t Barbie see how- I can’t find the word so let’s just go with BOMBLIFYING- Allan is! I made up bomblifying. It’s a mix of awful, terrible, stupid. And on top of all that. Raquelle is a TERRIBLE girlfriend. All she wants to do is make dances on Barbie-Tube! I’m  terrible at dancing, so Raquelle yells at me and that makes me SAD. Ughhhhh! Help!

Chelsea: Allan is mean. Between the baby books, the Honey pup ishues, and the movies, I miss Ken. Yesterday, Ken went to the movies with me! He told me it wasn’t right for Allan and Barbie to “exclude” me, whatever that means, but I think it was nice. We walked up into the theter, and Ken bot me a popcorn and some candy. That was really nice! And he smiled and laffed with me. If Barbie’s reading this, I think you should love Ken again. He’s a LOT better than this silly Allan guy. Allan doesn’t take me to the movies and buy me treats. Ken does.

Barbie: Know what? After some time thinking about it, I’m breaking up with Allan. I know Raquelle likes him and they would be perfect for each other. So bye Allan, this is not Allanland this is Barbie Land, and guess what? I make the rules. Chelsea was talking with me the other day, (She said we weren’t on speaking terms, but I don’t think she knows the meaning of that anyway) and she said Allan kicked Honey! Allan, if you hear this, we need to talk. And guess what Allan! I heard what you said to Skipper (And Stacey)! You’re a L.I.A.R! You hear that! And until we talk I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE! YOU HEAR THAT! I’M. NOT. GOING.ANYWHERE!!!!!

Ken: You know what? After some time thinking about it (and a nice Chai Latte) I’ve decided I’ve had KENOUGH of Barbie Land. Maybe I’ll go to the real world again and work at Starbucks. I know Barbie LOVES Pink Drinks. I’M JUST KEN ANYWHERE ELSE I’D BE A 10!!!!!

Chelsea: Wow! I herd someone screem. And that someone was Barbie. Some random letters and “I’m not going anywhere.” Barbie, if you’re reading this, you were too loud! You scared Honey. And Ken. Ken is gone! It’s so SAD! Barbie is a real meanie, and so’s Allan. Honey’s mad too. Barbie’s cooking her steak medium, not medium rare like she wants. Cleerly, Barbie’s shaken up. Maybe she said bye-bye to Mr. Meanie and said hi-hi to Mr. Nicey–Yay–Fun. I hate Allan! Hopefully Mommy doesn’t see this—I rote a really bad word. Hate is a horibl word, Mommy tells me. But, at this rate, Barbie doesn’t diserv Ken. But no one’s bad enough to diserv Allan.

Allan: Hey guys, I just joined the chat and WHAT?????

To be continued…

By Catherine Keane ’31, Staff Writer & Lucy Lestan ’31 & Elizabeth Ziegler ’31, Contributing Writers

31ckeane@montroseschool.org, 31llestan@montroseschool.org, & 31eziegler@montroseschool.org